There are times when I feel the need to “go into my bubble” – a place where I seem to be spending quite a bit of time lately. It is a good place, filled with quiet and self-indulgent activities and lots of hanging out with my favorite men. I tend to withdraw from social situations- online and otherwise. I spend a LOT of time in my head, talking to myself, running different ideas and plans past, attempting to figure out which road to take next on this amazing journey. It is a time where I really settle in to the here and now and find such gratitude for the things I am surrounded with every day. It is a good place.
Time in my bubble also tends to reveal parts of my personality and the ways that my mind works. I find a lot of clarity during my time there. I am realizing as I get older that there are so many things about myself that, while in my youth I felt weren’t positive attributes, am now realizing are true gifts. One example is what I used to consider my “jack of all trades, master of none” trait- something that made me feel like I would never get really good at anything. This is where I should share that I am pretty sure I have ADD and have a difficult time not being interested in pretty much everything under the sun. Thus, this particular trait used to really get me down at times. However, with age comes wisdom and what I have learned is this: I have an insatiable desire to learn about everything. This is a good thing. I love research and I love knowledge. Now, there are times when I wish that I had an easier time staying focused on one thing and could get really good at it, but the older I get the more I embrace the things that are intrinsically part of me and find the good that can come of them.
I have begun walking again first thing in the morning, before my family is up. It is so peaceful with only the sound of the birds and my footsteps on the trail. I remember now what I really loved about running- before my foot turned 80 and developed it’s bunion. I loved the time spent just thinking, almost meditating. It is a great way to begin the day, getting focused on what I want to accomplish and organizing my plans in my head. I also always feel so great when I return home. It doesn’t matter if I am out for 15 minutes or out for two hours- I feel recharged and energetic and really positive. I am really happy that I started again as walking doesn’t seem to bother my foot and I still get the things I need from it.
I have also adopted a new mantra that I have been using these past few weeks – Embrace imperfection. I have read a number of things lately that have inspired me to see the beauty in those imperfections and instead of trying to “correct” them, I am trying to relax and live with them. So the weeds in the gardens are getting away from me- I will get to them when I can. And the outdoor dining area that isn’t exactly how I would like it? It is a great place to share meals and conversation and it has a wonderful albeit very old brick fireplace for evenings when it is cool enough to enjoy a fire while we visit. And the lawns- oh those farmyard lawns. They are uneven and weedy and the moles are putting up a good fight at establishing their place on the farm. But when those babies are mowed and the sun shines on them, it is like a park out there- clover or no clover~ It’s all good people. It may not be magazine quality but it is pretty damn awesome.
In the end what I think I am learning is that it is all perspective. If you choose to find the good, the pretty, the positive, then it is. It is a choice and while there are days when it is difficult to put a positive spin on it, it is possible with practice. We get one trip people and we can either make the very best of it or we can one day look back and wish we had~
I’m choosing happy.